When the studio first started it was great! Most days the studio was filled with my studiomates...but after about 6 months it got to where I was the only one there most of the nights I was able to make it up to the studio. Along with a crap-ton of personal stuff that I had been dealing with since my mom died, it was just too much and I got depressed and disheartened and dismayed...just lots of dis-ness. So, I stopped going and eventually I moved out all together.
I started seriously doubting doing this comic thing as a job. During my teens my mom kinda flittered around from one career to another. She had all these grand schemes on how to make money that never worked out. It drove me nuts! And I started to worry that me doing comics/illustration as an actual job was just like my mom and I was doomed to fail. So, I decided to spend a few months failing at updating my webcomic and wallowing in self pity. After a bit I started to leave the house again...and drawing again. I even started seeing my artist friends again.
I realized that I couldn't just give up before even trying. I remember my uncle telling me that when I was little I wouldn't even try to do something unless I KNEW I would succeed and, sadly, I missed out on a lot of fun doing that. The sad thing is that I never really grew out of that. I have this need in me to make sure that I never stumble, that I never mess up. I have to tell myself daily that I'm only human and allowed to make mistakes but still agonize over the tiniest ones.
Last October I decided that I wanted to go back to the studio. Around the same time I was also contacted by someone from the corporate office of the cable company that I work for during the day about doing a comic for them. At first I balked...this is a national company. If I got the job I'd have to do it and live with any mistakes that I made doing it. I was going to say no...but after some not so gentle prodding from friends and family I took the risk. Luckily, I was able to talk to the guy heading the project via email and IM so I could hyperventilate to my hearts content.
I teamed up with 2 studiomates/friends and applied and got the job. We just finished (well, mostly) the first book. Four more are due out this year. (this is part of one of my favorite panels)
It was a crap-load of work...more than I expected. Especially since I'd never worked with either of the guys before on a project...though they had worked together on a project before. But now it's done and we got our first paycheck...which I wanted to frame and put on my wall...you know, after cashing it. Heh.
During this whole thing I put Of Snakes & Apples on hold saying I would be back, with a buffer, after the new year. I finally got to working on that
I've worked through a lot and realized a lot of crap I was putting myself through for nothing. I'm happier now than I've been in years...maybe ever. And I'm more myself.
I plan on updating this blog at least once a week from now on. Next will be a step by step walk through on how I create my comics ^_^
See you then!
-Kiki
